Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
