I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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