I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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