just tell him i said nine months
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
