just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
