how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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