Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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