....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
