Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
