Will you blow on my dice?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
