I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
