How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
