I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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