i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
