It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
soo... how was my night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
