If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
