"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
