I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
