took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
