you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
