I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
