I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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