so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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