Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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