Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
