Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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