I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
