omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
