Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
