i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
