I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
