We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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