Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
