and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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