I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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