I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
