allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
