how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
