These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
