Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
