Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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