I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
