glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
