his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
