Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
