Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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