so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
