Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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