Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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