Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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