he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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