so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
