i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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